How to understand that your husband is lying. If a man cheats, lies, what to do: advice from wise women What to do if your husband cheats

When it turns out that the husband is telling a lie, all trust in him is lost and his other half begins to subject him to constant checks not only in his actions, but also in his words. Below will be given different situations that can indicate that the husband is lying and advice on how to deal with them will be described.

Confidence- this is a very important component in marriage and first you need to understand what pushes your other half to lie. It happens that lying is an integral part of a man’s character, and then this fact does not greatly affect trust in the family, but simply gives rise to irritability.

There are times when a husband lies because he has a woman on his side, that is mistresses. In such a situation, it is better to talk frankly, although such a conversation is not easy, but a necessary undertaking. If the betrayal is proven by facts, but despite all this the husband does not admit it, in this case you need to decide how to behave further. There are two options for what to do: stay with him and tolerate the lies, or file for divorce.

There are many cases when a man does not have the courage to admit lies. He prefers to do things secretly without causing conflict situations. Often such a husband lies about little things, and anger is born due to the very fact of lying, because it is unpleasant to be deceived. Of course, when a man avoids conflicts in this way, it makes him very angry and annoying. But you need to know that such behavior is not only part of the character, but also a reaction to the behavior of the wife when her husband is accused of lying. The wife's reaction can be very negative and harsh, which is something a liar cannot tolerate.

Such cases are common when a woman, through her interrogations, provokes a man to cheat, for example: where were you? why so late? who called? etc.

This behavior is ingrained in a man due to the fact that it is impossible to behave differently with a woman. Better a sweet lie than a bitter truth. After all, not all men have enough various advantages that a woman should like. In this way he is trying to impress her, but that’s what a woman needs in order to make a beautiful impression on her ears and she will believe it, because that’s their nature, and sometimes she herself doesn’t know what she needs, a woman doesn’t look for confirmation with facts, but blindly believes words.

The first thing you need to do is change yourself and your attitude towards your husband’s actions. If he lies that he was at work, but in fact he was with friends, you need to accept his comrades. After all, before the wedding they were there and gatherings with them are part of his life. This must be measured against.

1. When communicating with him, it is necessary to exclude biased interrogations. After all, if every evening you ask your husband about his actions during the day, then for him the wife immediately becomes a strict mother and there is a desire to hide her actions.
2. Try to start trusting your husband. If it seems that you cannot trust him, put yourself in his place, because he is lying precisely because he does not know whether he can trust his wife. If you develop joint trust in the family, then the lie will disappear by itself.
3. It is worth thinking about whether all lies are evil? After all, there are cases when a woman resorts to various feminine tricks and tricks, and this is also deception, to some extent.

So, build your relationship with your loved one not on lies, but on the truth. Change yourself and him for the better. Be happily married for many years to come. And don’t forget that a successful marriage is also a lot of work.

Lying is a cross-gender concept. If a person is lying, he is lying regardless of gender. But in this article we will look at the reasons for men’s lies. Each sex has its own hormonal characteristics, which certainly affect the characteristics of the psyche, and therefore the characteristics of manifestations of lies.

What kind of male lies are there?

By and large, there are very few reasons for men’s lies. All of them can be grouped and classified, the only question is the criteria for classification.

Let's start with the largest one:

1. Conventionally “good” lie.
2. Conventionally “bad” lie.

The reason and psychology of “good” lies

“Good” lies include lies for good, lies for salvation, and similar types. Let us immediately take into account that men lie not only to women, they lie to each other too. And even earlier they lied to their parents, and when they themselves became fathers, they lie to their own children. Not all and not always, but many.

Increasing a woman's self-esteem

If we do not touch upon very serious reasons: reassurance in a serious illness or before death, consolation in suffering, hiding a really bitter truth - a completely harmless and even necessary lie is aimed at maintaining high self-esteem in its object, at protecting against unnecessary disorders, at reducing the level of anxiety .

For example, if we are talking about why a man lies to a woman, then in a “good” case it could be:

• embellishing her appearance,
• somewhat flattering compliments,
• exaltation of her personal qualities,
• Comparisons with other women that are flattering for her (not in their favor).

What can I say, it’s very pleasant to hear this. And here, male liars are most likely right in their tricks: to chop off the truth about other people, no matter what gender, means to be branded a boor and a psychopath.

And if you direct your unrestrained love of truth at women, they will begin to shy away from such a “gentleman” as if he were plagued.

Causes and psychology of “bad” lies

Fear of punishment and responsibility

Now about the “bad” lies. Its first reason is fear. If your man has a need to lie out of fear, you can safely blame his parents, especially his mother, for the development of this need.

Most likely, since childhood, he lied to both parents or his mother separately, protecting his boundaries and his privacy from their strict control. And, of course, escaping punishment.

When parents establish strict supervision over their son, do not give him the right to make mistakes, and punish him for the slightest offense - the boy develops the need to get out, to deceive, and a psychology of lying is established, which is consolidated in adulthood.

If in childhood a man was afraid of both parents, then, out of habit of getting out, in the future he will lie to everyone, including a woman. If the mother kept her son in fear, then it would be his future girlfriend, fiancee or wife who would suffer from the lies: she would become the involuntary successor of the tyrant mother.

The main beloved woman of her entire life punished for childhood mistakes - how then will another beloved punish for adult mistakes?! It is better, according to the old scheme, to immediately block any possibility of punishment: invent all sorts of fables, replace real events with fictitious ones, even if there is no real basis for this. To avoid. Because he’s used to it: if he finds out the truth, he will punish him.

Selfishness or narcissism

The second reason for “bad” lies is male egoism, or, to an extreme extent, narcissism. There are two options: either “thank you” to the mother for her excessive care. Or, on the contrary, she or both parents, for some reason, did not take part in the upbringing at all. And this way and that it turns out bad.

Excessive guardianship

Overly caring mothers who blindly adore their “sons” often raise them as the only light in the window and simply cannot breathe in them. Whatever the child does, everything is beautiful and wonderful. And in general, all people in this world exist in order to please the “son”, to ensure his life, so that he eats sweeter and sleeps more gently. And whoever thinks differently is bad, he has nothing to do near his “son”.

It’s both funny and sad, but there are a lot of such examples. It is not surprising that such a boy grows up to be an egoist who seriously believes that everyone around him owes him something. Including the woman who happened to be nearby. And another woman. And maybe even a third. And if you can’t snatch everything everywhere for free, that is, for nothing, you have to lie.

You really want to get something you want, right out of the blue, but the woman’s feelings will suffer and she can declare them - it’s easier to deceive. Another woman may also be a very desirable object. Treason looms, in general.

“A real man needs at least two women - a wife, the mother of his children, and a lover, for soul and body. This is a necessary and sufficient condition,” one of the representatives of the described group of egoists assured me. What does this mean? Only about the personal inability to be an adult and responsible person in relation to the woman with whom he is already married and with whom he is raising children.

Absence of parents or their non-participation in upbringing

Another source of selfishness that turns into narcissism is the absence of parents at all. Or their early death, or abandonment of the child, or simply unwillingness to participate in his life and upbringing - in general, everything that forced the boy to survive with all his might from an early age.

By the way, in such a situation, even the absence of one of the parents is enough, when the other is unable to give enough love and provide a sense of basic security.

The flip side of this forced childish survival can be narcissism - a personal characteristic cultivated in oneself that strives for a man to use other people, their resources and their opportunities to improve his own life.

The most convenient source of resource becomes a woman (if the narcissistic man is heterosexual). A monstrous web of lies is woven in which the victim is entangled. Men are selfish and narcissistic - chronic manipulators, they lie to women all their lives.

First - to catch her with all the available benefits in her net, then - to retain these benefits, while managing to snatch even more on the side.

Pathological lying syndrome

And the last reason for “bad” male lies is pathological lying syndrome. It is also inherent in women, since it is a consequence of the mental characteristics of the individual, regardless of gender. Pathological liars, also known as “mythomaniacs,” tend to make up fantastical stories and provide false information in order to increase their own importance in the eyes of others.

They were even studied at the University of Southern California, as a result of which scientists came to the conclusion that pathological liars differ from “normal” people in the structural composition of the brain: they have less gray matter - neurons, but more white matter - nerve fibers.

By the way, such knowledge may no longer allow us to classify the described lie as “bad”: ethically this is wrong, because a pathological liar actually does not know what he is doing, he simply “lies as he breathes.”

What does this lie give to a man?

The answer to this question depends on why men lie, that is, on the reason for their lies. We have just looked at these reasons.

Good attitude, no scandals

So, “white lie”, “white lie” - these phraseological units themselves provide the answer. Mental relief, your own or the object of the lie, emotional benefit, maybe even a spiritual feat.

A harmless lie aimed at increasing the target’s self-esteem gives peace of mind and a good relationship with a woman. And really, why answer the question: “Have I gained weight?” honestly answer: “Yes, dear, it’s time for you to lose a couple of kilograms”?!

Punishment

This is what lies out of fear gives a man, it is difficult to understand rationally. These invisible bonuses were born in deep childhood and hide in the hidden corners of an adult male soul. For, no matter how you look at it from all sides, lying out of fear only causes a lot of unnecessary troubles, first of all, to the liar himself.

Cowardly psychology forces a man to lie all the time, and this is difficult. For example, why not just tell your wife the truth that you went for a beer with friends? No, it’s better to lie that your boss kept you at work on an urgent matter, while reeking of beer fumes.

The wife becomes furious at such an obvious lie... Here is the answer! A man who lies out of fear secretly receives what he seems to be trying to avoid: punishment! I'm telling you, these bonuses have very deep and secret roots. Such a Freud.

Satisfying personal needs

Well, why egoists and narcissists lie seems to be already clear. So that everything would be, and there would be nothing for it. Only the driving force here is not fear, but pleasure, personal needs, selfish interests, insatiable desires, the desire to get a better life in life at the expense of others. Whose account is someone else's? The one nearby.

Such men also lie to women all the time, from the very beginning of their acquaintance: if the object matches the various resources she has, from material to psychological, lies about love begin.

Further, if the fish bites, it is persuaded to share its resources as much as possible - housing, money, things, status, emotions, the birth of children. If the dependence is established sufficiently strong, the subject goes to catch his new resource jackpot on the side, while holding the dependent victim wife with her resources with another lie...

Moral satisfaction

Well, pathological liars are pathological. Their lies give them pathological happiness. They really lie like they breathe. They, as we found out, even have a different brain.

What to do if a man is lying?

Let’s immediately decide about the case of egoists and narcissists: the best thing is to run away. The short, illusory joys during the period of seduction will quickly end and turn into daily painful doubts.

However, among women there are ideal victims of male narcissists; they themselves try their best to attract their attention. Here, truly, the saying “to the catcher and the beast runs” applies.

If you know your man has a penchant for harmless lies or understand that he is afraid of upsetting you, not realizing that lying upsets you much more, it is important to find a certain balance: try to come to an agreement with him, outline the boundaries of what is permitted.

If he likes to go fishing or sometimes meets with friends for a drink or two, let him know that you really aren't angry about it. You yourself don’t mind sometimes going somewhere with your friends or sitting in your old company.

Then he won’t have to figure out why he has to stay late at work again, why he is urgently sent on a business trip over the weekend, and so on and so forth. Again, balance is important here: these fishing trips and get-togethers with friends should not completely replace your overall time and push you into the background.

If the family finds itself on its own, and the man spends all his free time relaxing or having fun separately, he is probably running away from responsibility. And this is the same selfishness, and such lies are very offensive, without the prefix without-.

Video: how to understand that a man or guy is lying and what to do?

What to do if your husband constantly lies? How to cope with pathological lies, is it possible to change your partner’s behavior once and for all? This article contains various recommendations from psychologists and useful tips.

Destructive attitude

Emotionally destructive relationships cannot lead to anything good. It is impossible to build a future and family together with a person who constantly lies to you. The only thing a woman can do in this situation is to ask herself what is really going on. If a husband lies constantly, especially over many years, and does not even try to repent, then he probably does not need help with his problem.

In this case, you need to change not your partner, but your attitude towards him. Yes, no woman would like to live with a husband who constantly cheats. But is it possible to remain calm and feel happy if your partner doesn’t even see a problem in his behavior? If you don't like playing detective or mommy to catch him in a lie, then it's time to think about taking drastic measures. The fact that he doesn't want to change or work on his problem will only make you upset and depressed. So what should you do if your husband constantly lies?

Is there a solution to this problem?

If your husband constantly lies, even about small things, then this is an alarm bell. Without knowing the nature of lies, it is impossible to understand why your partner does this. And if consultations do not help, then this habit will sooner or later begin to destroy the marriage.

Depending on the nature of his lies, you may ask yourself why you are putting yourself at risk for sexually transmitted diseases, for example. Such questions may seem harsh and painful, but this is the only way you can confront your husband.

Communication is an important part of a happy marriage.

If you notice that your husband is constantly lying, then try to talk to him and discuss this problem. This may seem like a trivial and stupid method that clearly doesn't work. However, this way you can find out at least an approximate reason for his pathological lies.

If your partner refuses to listen, the nature of the relationship will change. This doesn't mean that you will necessarily have to divorce him, but trust will be broken. This practice is hard, but if you want to have a healthy relationship, you have to come to terms with the truth and reality. Remember that the only person you can change is yourself. You can help yourself with wisdom and fortitude, not with fear and disappointment.

After talking with your husband, you need to pay attention to his behavior. Has he stopped deceiving or is he now hiding something from you more carefully? Does he strive to change his behavior and is he ready to work on pathological lies? Does he continue to ignore the problem and act as if nothing happened?

Contact a specialist

Many women wonder why their husband constantly lies. Psychologists note: the desire to deceive can become an addiction and can only be treated with the help of special therapies. Even if from the outside it seems that some people get pleasure from their lies, in reality this is not the case. Sometimes they simply cannot stop and suffer not only from the lies, but also from the pain they cause to others.

In psychiatry, the craving for pathological lies is defined as Munchausen syndrome. Don’t rush to get a divorce if you notice that your husband is constantly lying. What to do in this case? Try to analyze his behavior and find the root of the lie. Perhaps the main reason for lying is mental or emotional trauma received in childhood. This applies not only to men, but also to women.

Humiliation and insult from parents and peers, brothers and sisters can lead to pseudology. Constant criticism, an attempt to assert oneself at the expense of small children, rejection in society and the first unsuccessful relationship. Anything that has an unfavorable effect on a fragile psyche can cause emotional shock, which provokes a craving for lies. A woman getting married may not even suspect that she has chosen a partner prone to pseudology.

Why are they lying?

Does your husband constantly lie about little things, deceive and clearly hide something? After the conversation, it is important to understand why he does this. If you are still sure that the root of the problem lies in your partner’s past, then it’s time to act. And first of all, you need to understand why your husband constantly lies about little things and is prone to pseudology.

If it's all about mental and emotional trauma that has remained untreated since childhood, then your partner is probably unconsciously creating an illusory world around him, much better than in his childhood. Pay attention to what his lies are based on: does he embellish events, adds non-existent facts, does he strive to highlight himself in any story and make him a significant figure, is he offended if someone refutes his lies, especially when in public?

Many psychologists believe that it is impossible to cure pseudology. The reason is simple: a pathological liar is simply not able to survive in the real world, because for so many years he has painstakingly assembled his illusory world piece by piece and pebbles. But some therapies can still help a person realize their problem and begin to work on it. No drugs or clinical trial are prescribed. As a rule, a few sessions with a psychologist are enough to find out the reason for the lie and the desire to change.

Be prepared for any turn of events

A man’s behavior is determined by two different, but very powerful emotions: affection and sexual desire (it is important to see the difference between love, sex and deep sympathy). In all likelihood, your husband cannot imagine his life without his wife. He paints a picture of comfort with the woman who bore him two children. But at the same time, he is driven by sexual desire, which is a powerful motivator (sexual desire).

These two fundamental emotions pull people in opposite directions: today your husband is with you, and tomorrow he is with a new woman. Unfortunately, in a marriage, it can be difficult to maintain a passionate and sexually exciting relationship over time. Statistically, couples have the hottest and most mind-blowing intimacy in the first couple of years that they are together. Gradually sex becomes a rare pleasure. This does not mean that intimacy is completely absent in a marriage after years, but the fact remains that the passion and intensity of sexual intercourse disappears over time.

Coolidge effect

For some people, the passion and intensity of sex is extremely important and rewarding, and can sometimes be addictive. And in order to experience these pleasant sensations over and over again, it is necessary to constantly maintain sexual contact. Often men prefer new experiences rather than changing sexual relationships while married. This phenomenon is called the Coolidge effect.

As the story goes, American President John Calvin Coolidge Jr. and his wife visited the farm. The First Lady noted that a rooster can trample hens all day, constantly changing individuals. Although it may be difficult to admit because it goes against popular morality, having a variety of sexual partners can be very enjoyable.

When people are faced with these two strong emotions (attachment and sexual desire), they often do what your husband did: lie and cheat. Some people are simply unable to live with one partner throughout their lives. And since people now exist in an era where the concept of love and intimacy is idealized, relationships become even more complex. Nowadays, everyone wants their marriage to be full of passion, intimacy and unconditional love.

So what to do?

You are probably wondering: will your husband change? Most likely no. If a partner can get rid of petty lies on his own or with the help of a psychologist, then it is unlikely that he will get rid of the desire to gain new experience.

However, only you yourself can understand whether it would be better to continue living without your husband or not. Be prepared for the fact that a polygamous person may not suddenly accept monogamy. It may take years to realize your lack of desire to have different sexual partners.

Signs of a pathological liar

Your husband constantly lies, but you don’t know how to expose him in a lie? Try to be attentive in conversations with him, learn to remember the details of his stories and stories.

Notice the extent of his lies. It can be small (fleeting) and global (carefully thought out). A person who is prone to pseudology always tries to become a “professional” in every matter. He can come up with stories about himself that you probably haven't even heard of before. Of course, when you are in a group, new information about your partner can be surprising and disconcerting. Asking your husband a logical question about why he didn’t tell this story earlier can lead to excuses.

Signs of a pathological liar:

• This man is always confused in his “testimonies”. Today he can say one thing, and tomorrow - another. If you make a remark, he will probably be offended.
• A person who is prone to pseudology often behaves secretly and withdrawn. He has very few friends and relatives, because they do not fit into the picture of the ideal world.
• Such people behave uptight, but when the opportunity arises, they become absolute masters in any field. Most of all, they prefer to give advice, sometimes without even suspecting that there is little truth and reality in it.
• A pathological liar can make up new facts on the fly. You may not even notice that you have received another portion of lies.

How to deal with pseudology

If your husband constantly lies, hides money, tells tall tales, but at the same time you are sure that he really has problems, then you can help him in this way:

1. Try to record dialogues - on a voice recorder or in a notepad. But the first option is much more effective, because the partner can react extremely violently to the letter, considering it a deception and a setup.
2. Always ask why the man lied to you, why he did it and what his goal was.
3. What to do if your husband constantly lies? Try to uncover his lies, even if he tries to get out of the situation. Be prepared for the fact that you may feel guilty because you don't trust your husband.

the main task

Don't build an illusory world around yourself. Understand that if a man lies to you, sooner or later it will begin to destroy the marriage. How can you trust a person who is not confident in his own words? Where is the guarantee that his pathological lies will not develop into something serious?

In most cases, people prone to pseudology can borrow large sums of money, constantly inventing various illnesses and critical life situations that do not actually exist.

Finally

Now you know what to do when your husband constantly cheats and lies even about small things. Only the liar himself can curb the desire to constantly deceive, and his loved ones can only understand, accept and forgive. But not all women are ready to continue living side by side with a man who does not even try to fight his problem, does not repent and does not realize the seriousness of the situation.

Valeria Protasova

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Lying is never pleasant. But it’s one thing if a stranger lies to you, whom you will never see again, and quite another if the liar is your beloved man.

How to understand the situation and stop your spouse from lying? And is the “game worth the candle”?

• First of all, you need to understand why your spouse is lying. Possible reasons are “wagons and trolleys,” but once you find out the main one, you will understand how to deal with this scourge. Lying may turn out to be part of a man (there are such dreamers for whom lying is an integral part of life), or he is simply afraid to be frank with you, or he answers you in the same coin.
• Is he lying only to you or to everyone? If only for you, then the reason should be sought in your relationship. Think about whether your family has enough mutual trust - and? Maybe you are not too honest with your spouse?
• Does he lie to everyone? And doesn't blush? It is almost impossible to rehabilitate a pathological liar. The only option is to find the true cause of his problem and, after talking seriously with his husband, make joint efforts to combat this addiction. Most likely, it will be impossible to do without the help of a specialist.
• Are you putting too much pressure on your spouse? Excessive control over a man has never benefited the family boat - often wives themselves push their halves to lies. If a tired man, on the way home, went with a friend to a cafe and diluted the dinner with a little alcohol, and his wife was already waiting for him at the front door with the traditional “Oh, you…”, then the spouse will automatically lie that he didn’t drink anything, that he was late at a meeting, or was forced to “sip a little” because “corporate ethics require it.” This also happens when the wife is too jealous. “A step to the left means execution” will make every man howl. And it’s good if he just lies so that you don’t get yourself worked up over trifles again. It's worse if he actually takes a step to the left, tired of being accused of something he never did. Remember: a man also needs rest and at least a little free space.
• He is afraid of offending you. For example, he says that this dress suits you very well, although he thinks otherwise. He theatrically admires a new batch of knitted bunnies or smacks his lips over a plate of soup with excessive enthusiasm. If this is your case, then it makes sense to be happy - your man loves you too much to say that there is nowhere to put rabbits, you still haven’t learned how to cook, and it’s time to buy a dress a couple sizes larger. Are you annoyed by such “sweet” lies? Just talk to your spouse. Make it clear that you are quite an adequate person to calmly accept constructive criticism.
• You are too critical of your spouse. Perhaps in this way he is trying to be more successful in your eyes (he slightly overestimates his own achievements). Let go of the reins. Be supportive of your loved one. Learn to accept it as fate gave it to you. Be objective and constructive in your criticism - do not overuse it. And even more so, you shouldn’t compare your significant other with more successful men.
• Lying about little things? Starting from the weight of the caught pike and ending with grandiose army tales? Never mind. Men tend to slightly exaggerate their achievements or even invent them out of the blue. Your “weapon” in this case is humor. Treat your spouse's quirks with irony. It is unlikely that these tales will interfere with your family life. Better yet, support your husband in this game of his - maybe he lacks your faith in him or the feeling of his worth.
• The spouse lies constantly, and the lies affect the relationship. If your other half comes home after midnight with lipstick on his collar, and convinces you that the “flying party has gone on for too long” (and with other serious symptoms), it’s time to have a serious conversation. Most likely, your relationship has suffered a deep crack, and it’s no longer about how to stop him from lying, but about why the family boat is sinking. By the way, .
• Cards on the table? If lies become a wedge in your relationship, then yes - you cannot pretend that you do not notice his lies. Dialogue is mandatory, and without it the situation will only get worse. If the lie is harmless and limited to the size of the pike, then conducting an interrogation with bias and demanding sincerity “otherwise it’s a scam” is unproductive and pointless.
• Want to teach a lesson? Conduct a “mirror” experiment. Show your spouse how he looks in your eyes by responding in the same way. Lie brazenly and without a twinge of conscience - demonstratively, openly and on every occasion. Let him change places with you at least for a little while. As a rule, such a demonstrative “démarche” works better than requests and exhortations.

What to do in the end?

It all depends on the scale and reasons for the lie. Exaggeration and fantasy are not a reason even for frowning brows (It’s unlikely that this bothered you when you walked in a wedding dress to the Mendelssohn march).

But a serious lie is a reason to reconsider your relationship. Dialogue is extremely important and recommended - after all, it is quite possible that the issue of mistrust, which is hidden under daily lies, can be easily resolved.

It's another matter if indifference is hiding underneath - here, as a rule, even a heart-to-heart conversation does not help.

Have there been similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Valeria Protasova

So, well, this is about my husband.
But my relationship is just beginning. And I think a lot.

When we met, the person stated his age as 2 years younger than his biological age.
It would seem - that's all.

When the relationship began, not strong, but passionate, I started looking for information about him on the Internet. And everywhere he says the age is not the one I know about.
I asked him “how is this possible?” I received a simple answer - “How do I know why there is such information on the Internet? They are wrong.”

Well, to hell with him.

But now 3 months have passed. I'm already in love and I can't help it. I want to be close to him and everything.
But... Today I again rushed into instructions about his real age. In sources that you can’t get away from (this is not a passport, but the age of his classmates on Facebook (If anything, my man is not Sheldon Lee Cooper, so he can go to school at the age of five))

Those. For 3 months in a row, a person has been diligently throwing off two years of his life in a conversation with me.
I do not know why.
Yes, the difference then turns out to be as much as 11 years, which psychologically looks worse than 9.
Yes, he obviously doesn't want to grow old.
Yes, once you lie, you support this legend with all your might.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.

But then I have a question - what else is he lying about?
And another question.
Is it worth it to clean it up? If so, how? What phrases? What reactions might there be?

I don't want to scare him and force him to pupate.
I just don't want there to be any misunderstandings between us.

For me, this lie is all the stranger because he clearly does not consider our relationship as something serious and long-lasting. Those. On his part, this relationship is without obligation or continuation.
It's just me who needs a continuation. That’s why I solve quests here))) No one knows what will ultimately come out of any situation))) For example, I have such a husband now, he himself admitted that only 20% of all the information I receive from him can tell me the truth him. He says he tried not to lie to me, but only quarrels turned out, then I get jealous, then I don’t approve of his action, then I get offended, now, so as not to quarrel, he constantly lies to me, so that they don’t “scold” him, like, but now I don’t really ask anymore, I know that I won’t hear the truth. Who's to blame? Am I succeeding? So he’s a good man, a family man, a businessman. It’s very difficult with a liar, the mistrust is constant, by the way, he lies to everyone, even when it’s not necessary, I catch him doing it, but I keep quiet, I don’t want to swear, I just don’t like to lie, so the way to start deceiving him doesn’t suit me. hmmm... the men are kind of strange, lying seems to be in their blood in a funny way
So it still turns out that if she was born in December, then she became pregnant in mid-March or early April. Eternal youth
Where did you get the idea that they actively insisted on a divorce from the pregnant woman?
If you could clarify, I would answer you that the divorce took place in May, the child was born in December. Of course, I wouldn’t want to, but I wouldn’t interfere, much less actively insist on a divorce from a pregnant woman. A man must think with his own head... So, before sleeping with that girl, he would have asked his parents. Eternal youth
This story happened 20 years ago. The child was born on time and grew up. The father and his parents moved to another city, came to Novosib 2 times a year, then he began to take the child to his place for the holidays, regularly paid alimony, then he married again, with his second wife he has three children.
In short, the guy is fine. I don’t know what her personal life is like with the child’s mother; she hasn’t gotten married, but maybe she has some close friends.

His parents didn’t want anyone as their daughter-in-law, especially someone who would write something out of the blue. Would you wish such “happiness” for your child? mimimi
So she was actually pregnant and that didn't stop him? How is the baby, her and this husband now? I kind of feel sorry for this girl, even though she’s a liar. And how did the parents plan for the wife, did they do anything at all?
I’ll tell you a little about myself, my first husband was also a liar, he lied that he graduated from college in Moscow, in fact it was not so. And he claimed with all his might that he knew how to fly an airplane. But this is the most harmless thing. It’s funny to even remember now. It’s good that we got divorced, I was so exhausted by the lies, both small and big. This is about men, and I had a classmate like this
Moreover, she lied outright to everyone who listened, and did not remember.
Many listened, and everyone’s memory was OK, so after listening a little, they moved away. I somehow decided to catch her in a lie, she made a surprised face: did I really say that??? noooo, you're confusing, it wasn't like that at all!!!

In brief periods of truth, she said that when she was little, her parents often left her at home alone. So as not to be bored and afraid, she called the movie theater answering machines and listened, asked the robot questions and listened again. The illusion of non-loneliness.
When I told my parents something, they responded with aha-aha, but they didn’t really listen, they were busy with themselves.

My classmate got married at the age of 19, having been friends for 1.5 months and saying that she “knocked up.” They quickly submitted an application to the registry office, a month later the wedding, his parents were out of it, they were planning a completely different wife for their son.
As a result, the lies finished off all the newly-made relatives, they quickly made efforts to ensure that the divorce took place. At the time of the divorce, she was already pregnant, but this did not stop her husband. Everyone knows each other, but my husband is like... an ex. Actually, it was largely because of these lies that the ex. Didn't drink, didn't cheat, worked. Everything seemed to be fine, but it was a lie... It was so exhausting. It all started with him. After the wedding, I found out about 5 outstanding loans. Moreover, it was all by accident, from bank employees, although the husband swore that he had paid it off before the wedding. tried to talk. The most interesting thing was when he actually admitted that he was lying to me. And specifically for me, no one else. He knows that this is impossible, but he can’t help himself. And so they parted ways. In fact, there was no need to get together, but because of my youth and great love, I thought that this “lie” could not last forever and would fade away in a calm home environment. I have such a dreamer friend) When we met, he studied straight A’s at school, and graduated from college with honors, and plays three instruments, and every year he went to Europe three times... and even spoke so colorfully, I I really believed it. And then I met his friends, and it became quite obvious that this was just a hodgepodge of them all. It somehow became unpleasant - why lie, you might think that it’s so important to me what was there before. I also had a boy friend like this when I was a kid)
He composed everything, even when he wrote poetry (words from a well-known song), he said that he composed it on purpose)))
Now he says that he got married, bought an apartment and earns a lot of money, but refuses to come visit with his family (under the pretext that he has a lot of work, meetings, etc.)
How to treat these?
I told him directly: listen, at least don’t lie to me, I know you)
Let's talk in a simple, friendly way...
This is incorrigible! TS, this is an incorrectly formulated question. Not only men lie, everyone lies. The question is why? Yes, because at this moment it is dangerous to tell the truth. There are millions of reasons. Girls, there are enough of these dreamers everywhere, both in men and women. They create their own world in lies and live this way all their lives. There is no need to get hung up on them, well, they like to lie and live by it, but let them live for their own good, but who is next to him, you need to seriously think about it... do they need these people...
There is a good saying: “Mess with a fool, you’ll be a fool yourself.” Draw conclusions, girls, and don’t waste your precious time with people like this!
And this is already the only possible solution to the situation. Moreover, it’s better to run away now with a scandal than later with debts and other crap that this pinocchio with a blue eye will write down on his wife.
As for patience and attention, playful petty lies and so on. IMHO this is all about nothing. He will go through these petty lies like a bulldozer, since the essence of the problem is that he didn’t care about his wife and her opinion.