The child has an invisible dog friend. Imaginary friends, or Carlson Syndrome. The position of modern psychologists

Some children tend to create imaginary friends for themselves that do not actually exist. Is this an innocent child’s invention, entertainment, or does it indicate serious psychological problems in a child? Should we sound the alarm, or is it better to let things take their course? Child psychologist Margarita Barsukova comments on the topic.

“All parents react differently to the fact that their child has an “invisible” friend,” says the specialist. - Some don’t pay any attention to this at all, others “play along”, and still others panic and start taking their children to psychiatrists...

Meanwhile, according to the psychologist, the presence of such non-existent “friends” always indicates certain problems in the child.

“Most often, children invent friends for themselves if they feel lonely,” says Margarita Barsukova. “They have no contact with peers and, most often, no contact with adults either. But there are also exceptions.

Let's say a child has real friends and peers, but for some reason the relationship with them does not satisfy him - for example, the child is teased, laughed at, and he invents a friend who always accepts him as he is, participates in his games and fun... As a rule, an imaginary friend is always favorably disposed towards a child, unlike real children.

It also happens that a child invents an adult friend for himself who always protects him, takes care of him - in a word, is an older and wise comrade... This may indicate that the child lacks precisely such relationships, he feels unprotected, is not confident in himself... Sometimes children invent such friends in order to raise their status in the eyes of their peers: after all, if someone older than you is friends with you, it means that you are worth something.

Sometimes children imagine "admirers" of the opposite sex. Thus, the little heroine of Salinger's story "The Cluttered Paw" invents a boy, Jimmy, who eats with her at the same table and sleeps in the same bed. Alas, in real life, relationships with the opposite sex do not work out or do not work out the way we would like. “Everyone is friends with boys (girls), but I’m not,” such a child reasons. So why not come up with a “groom” or “bride” who exists only in the imagination?

It happens that an imaginary friend turns out to be a magical creature, like a fairy or a gnome, or some cartoon character. This character fulfills the child’s wishes, the baby can even fantasize that he did his homework for him, cleaned the room, or, on the contrary, misbehaved... In this way, the child protects himself from reality, because it is much easier to shift all responsibility for his own actions onto someone else, especially since more, an inhabitant of a fairy-tale world...

How to behave if your child has such a friend? Let's listen to the recommendations of psychologist Margarita Barsukova.

Try to ask as much as possible about this friend. For example, what is this friend’s last name, where does he live, what does he do, is it possible to meet him...

By the way, a new friend is not always imaginary. For example, in the mystical series "Closed School" a little girl is friends with a "gnome", who is in fact a real person, just a freak... And at first everyone mistakes the little girl's stories for her fantasies.

Therefore, your task is to extract as much information from the child as possible that can be verified. After all, communication between children and strangers is not always safe. You should be especially wary if your baby calls an adult you don’t know his friend.

If a child talks to an invisible person in front of you, demands that he also be fed, put to bed with him, etc., you can play along with him, but within certain limits. So, you should not allow your child to communicate only with a friend. Try to distract him, read him a book, tell him a story, sit him down for homework.

You should not mock the baby or forbid him to communicate with his imagination. Then he will retreat even more into his imaginary world.

Remember that the presence of an imaginary friend always signals some kind of internal trouble. Try to pay more attention to your child, promote his contacts with peers - and sooner or later he will forget about his fantasies.

When a child makes new friends, one can only be happy for him. But how should parents react if the baby’s new friend is an imaginary one? Should I be concerned or is hanging out with imaginary friends normal for kids? Are these simple games of rich imagination or psychological problems? Let's try to figure it out.

My new friend

Imaginary friends have been a topic of interest to psychologists and educators for several decades. It is worth noting that the number of children who have imaginary friends is very large. Almost every child made an invisible friend at least for a short period.

Parents may not know that the child is talking to an imaginary friend. And if they do find out, it usually happens by accident. For example, a daughter talks about playing in kindergarten with Masha. And these stories do not raise any doubts among parents. But if they want to meet their child’s friend, they find out that there is no Masha in the kindergarten. After questioning her daughter in detail, the mother finds out that Masha has a fluffy tail and sleeps on a rainbow.

Imaginary friends are not always children's peers. These can be fairy-tale characters, animals, adults and any fictional creatures. You can hear stories from a child about a friend who is 160 years old, or about a tiny pocket buddy.

Having an imaginary friend shouldn't scare parents. But how to react to this? Is it worth supporting children's fiction?

What to do if your baby makes an imaginary friend?

Under no circumstances should children be ridiculed or prohibited from communicating with imaginary friends. This will only lead to the child withdrawing, losing trust, but still continuing the ghostly friendship, only now he will try to keep it a secret. The right decision would be reasonable support for your baby. Be interested in the life of a fictional friend: who he is, where he lives, what he dreams about, what worries him. You will learn a lot about the experiences, dreams and worries of your own child. You shouldn’t inflate the topic of your imaginary friend by constantly thinking about him. Just let your child know that he can share all his thoughts with you.

By understanding the reasons for the appearance of imaginary friends, you can better understand your child and, if necessary, provide him with help. After all, a ghostly friend does not always appear due to a well-developed imagination.

Imaginary friends appear suddenly and can disappear just as unexpectedly. Friendship with invisible people can last for several years. From 3 to 8 years of age this is a common occurrence. As a rule, by the time they enter school, children stop communicating with ghostly interlocutors.

Reasons for imaginary friendship

It is, of course, easier for a child with a rich imagination to imagine an invisible friend and even make friends with him. But sometimes a developed imagination only helps to create suitable conditions, and the reasons for the appearance of an imaginary friend in children are something else.

Lack of communication is the main reason for the appearance of imaginary friends. The child feels lonely and fills the void with an imaginary friend who can be trusted with all the secrets, play and chat. If the baby grows up without siblings or the age difference between them is too great, the likelihood of acquiring a ghostly companion increases.
A weak and defenseless baby needs a friend who can protect him. And he can create himself a defender and hero in his imagination.
Sometimes a child creates a friend for himself, onto whom he shifts the blame for his misdeeds. He can constantly scold and pull him back, imitating the behavior of adults.
An imaginary friend may appear in a difficult situation for a child. For example, the birth of a younger brother or sister can cause a range of experiences and, in order not to feel abandoned, the baby makes a friend. Such a tragic situation for children as the divorce of their parents often leads to psychosomatic disorders. But some children come to the aid of an imaginary friend who shares all the experiences of the baby and helps them cope with a difficult situation. A child who finds himself in a hospital without his parents may have an invisible friend who will support and help him.
Sometimes imaginary friends are called upon to motivate children and serve as an example for them. They can help you cope with anxiety and believe in yourself. Such an invisible friend serves as an example and ideal for the baby.

Imaginary friends disappear as soon as the child no longer needs them. But even knowing this, parents may feel worried: how much is the baby immersed in fantasy, and can he distinguish reality from fiction?

Reality or game

It is widely believed that the imaginary and real worlds get mixed up in children's heads. Indeed, imaginary images leave an imprint on the perception of the world.

As soon as you tell a five-year-old child that the floor is fiery lava, he will immediately try to climb up onto the chair with his feet. But if you ask him to imagine a blooming soft meadow instead of a floor, he will happily run through it. His behavior was based only on his imagination. Very often you can hear children's stories about things that never happened. Once heard stories or seen situations can leave such an imprint on the child’s perception that he will remember them as if it happened to him.

One might think that the work of the imagination obscures reality, confusing the real and the imagined. But it is not so. It is the imagination that is worth thanking for the fact that we are able to distinguish the fictional world from the real world. After all, in order to imagine fictional pictures, it is necessary to be aware of reality.

While playing, the child holds a fantasy image and reality in his head at the same time. If a baby sits a toy bear at the table with him and feeds it by bringing a spoon with food, he knows for sure that the toy will not actually eat. The baby understands that feeding is pretend, that is, he is clearly aware of what is real and what is not.

The presence of an imaginary friend should not bother parents if it is unobtrusive in the child's life. But if the baby spends all the time with a ghostly friend, is very dependent on him and worries when they quarrel, it is worth paying increased attention to this issue.

Alarming symptoms

In some cases, a child's relationship with an imaginary friend can indicate his problems. And parents, having recognized the alarming symptoms, can help cope with the anxieties and worries of their child.

If the baby’s communication with the invisible person copies the relationship between family members or the same motives are constantly present in it, it may indicate a problem that worries and worries the baby. Sometimes it’s not at all easy to understand a child’s experiences, then a psychologist can come to the rescue.
If a child constantly scolds and punishes an imaginary friend, there is a high probability that he himself often finds himself in the place of the offender. Putting himself in the shoes of an adult, he tries to understand situations and relieve stress.
If an imaginary friend is the baby’s protector and fulfills all his wishes, then it often turns out that the baby feels defenseless and does not know how to stand up for himself. Such a friend helps to take revenge on all offenders and creates a more comfortable imaginary world for the child.

Imaginary friends are of great benefit to a child. In addition to allowing the imagination to develop, they also promote the development of communication skills and help cope with the baby's anxieties and problems.

Remember Carlson. Such a good-natured, moderately well-fed, over-aged rogue with a propeller from Astrid Lindgren’s fairy tale, which we loved from childhood, about the Kid who really wanted a dog. This funny character, who lives on the roof and flies to the Kid at moments when he is sad and lonely, is not at all as simple as it might seem at first glance. After all, if you think about it, in her fairy tale, the Swedish writer touched on the problem of a child, at some stage in his life, having an imaginary friend.

Many parents get scared and panic when they notice that their child begins to communicate with emptiness. And psychologists call this phenomenon simply the next stage. So how should we react to this behavior of the baby and what should mom and dad do? Play along or try in every possible way to convince. Or maybe it’s worth understanding the reasons for the appearance of an imaginary comrade in the life of your beloved little one?

So, children have imaginary friends. Who are they? What are they? Why do they appear? And what to do with them?

Who are they?

At the age of 3-5 years, children's imagination and creative abilities are very actively developing. As a consequence - irrepressible imagination, enrichment of the inner world, development of the ability to analyze, evaluate, compare and find ways to solve various life situations.

What an imaginary friend will turn out to be depends entirely on your child’s imagination, as well as on what problems he is called upon to solve.

The appearance of an imaginary friend in a child’s life is fantasy plus images from real life (fairy tales, cartoons) and plus problems that the child is trying to solve in this way.

What do these creations of children's imagination look like? And they can be of any shape, any size and any type. A toy endowed with human qualities or a fairy-tale character, Superman, who protects the weak, or a little animal that the baby so wants to have, a “badass” hiding under the bed, or a child of the same age (Sashka, Seryozhka, Natashka), with whom it is so fun to play.

Imaginary friends are dynamically developing collective images that have those qualities that are a priority for the child at a given period of time. Get to know your little one's fictitious companion and you will find out how your child lives and needs.

To make it easier for you to understand the situation, ask your child to draw his invisible friend

What are they?

An imaginary friend is a signal to you, parents, that not everything in your child’s life is going as smoothly as it may seem from the outside. For you, this virtual acquaintance of the baby is an excellent diagnostic material.

With its help, you can easily determine the essence of the problem in order to subsequently find the right ways to solve it. Often, it is errors in upbringing or difficulties with which become the impetus for the child to develop a need for an imaginary friend.

Cartoon character (fairy tales) . Appears when parents devote too little time and attention to the baby. Boring, monotonous everyday life can also encourage a toddler to “decorate” the daily routine a little with the help of fantasies.
A fictional ordinary child, the same age. Accompanies the baby in his games when he lacks communication with real peers.
Superman, protector. A child may have a need for protection both from bullies in the children's group and at home - if the parenting style is too authoritarian.
Ghost parrot, kitten or puppy. Their appearance speaks for itself. Isn’t it time to give the little one the most authentic pet?
Good wizard, fairy, fantastic creature. They become friends with the bravest dreamers. With them, young Munchausens travel to the Moon, save the world, conquer the Universe, etc. This is a signal that such a wild imagination simply needs to be directed and coordinated. Fortunately, today there are many creative studios and circles where such bright personalities can reveal and apply themselves.

Based on who your child’s imaginary friend is and what qualities the baby gives him, you can trace the reason for his appearance in the baby’s life and formulate the problem. And then try to deal with it together. Once the problem is solved, the invented comrade will disappear as unnecessary.

The little one makes up friends for himself when he lacks parental attention and communication with peers

Why do they appear?

So what are the reasons why children sometimes have imaginary friends?

Lack of attention and communication with family or peers.
Lack of impressions. Routine everyday life.
Pressure and overprotection from parents. The desire for independence and development of one’s own “I”, at least in an imaginary world.
Guilt. The desire to avoid punishment.
Crowding out. Playing out your secret desires with imaginary friends. The most dangerous manifestation of this problem is repressed aggression, the desire to punish offenders. And it requires correction by a specialist.
Too wild a fantasy.

Friendship with fictional characters among teenagers is a reaction to deep nervous shock

Carlson syndrome in adolescents

It is mainly preschool children who try to solve such problems with the help of imaginary comrades. If a teenager begins to communicate with a fictional character, the reasons may be different, and this phenomenon will need to be treated differently.

If for a preschooler an imaginary friend is a natural phenomenon, easily correctable and, in most cases, passes quite quickly, then in adolescence it is a protective mechanism designed to support the child’s psyche in a stressful situation.

Activation of friendship with an invisible person in adolescents occurs as a result of serious psychological trauma:

death of a close relative or beloved pet;
parents' divorce;
moving to a new place;
quarrels with someone close to you;
and even unrequited love.

The appearance of an imaginary friend neither in preschool age nor in adolescence is considered a sign of psychological pathology. And most often, it is not treated with medication.

But, in cases with teenagers, it will be better if a qualified specialist helps parents understand the reasons for ghostly friendships and develop a strategy for overcoming a psychological crisis.

Repressed aggression in a child is a reason to seek help from a psychologist

Should parents worry?

It’s probably not for nothing that Carlson’s favorite phrase was the words: “Calm, only calm!” This is exactly what parents should do when they first discover that their baby is talking to someone invisible.

Stay calm and try to find out who the baby's new friend is, what they play, what kind of relationship they have. Then act based on the essence of the problem, which will certainly be traced in the communication between the little one and his imaginary companion, and in accordance with the situation.

Your task is to create all the conditions so that the baby no longer needs unrealistic friendship, switching to very real, earthly joys, chores, and activities.

By the age of 7-9, imaginary friends usually cease to exist in the minds of even the most avid dreamers. If the situation does not change by this age, it makes sense to seek advice from a child psychologist.

A visit to a specialist is also necessary if:

the toddler’s fantasies are rather gloomy, joyless, replete with cruel scenes;
the baby was hurt, injured, and an imaginary friend was involved in the events;
the baby is not interested in other games, does not interact well, has lost his appetite, sleeps restlessly;
the child confuses fantasy and reality, is too dependent on his imaginary friend.

And immediately prepare for the fact that, first of all, you will have to work on yourself. You will change your attitude towards the baby, the situation in the family, habits, daily routine, etc.

Replace your imaginary friend with a real one

Don't prohibit anything. To some extent, at the initial stage, you can even play along with the little one. Place an extra device for his invisible friend at dinner, tuck him a blanket before bed, listen carefully to all the stories with his participation. This way you will better understand what to do with it next.
Try to draw a clear line between fantasy and reality:“Even though “Misha” came to visit you, you still need to collect toys, and you need to learn lessons, and you should also receive a punishment for breaking a chandelier.”
Give your child more attention. Play with him, go to the cinema, to the circus, to the puppet theater, to the zoo, to playgrounds where he can play with his peers. Fill your little one's life with bright impressions and yourself.
Give your child the right to choose more often, develop independence in it. Ask them to help you around the house, assign interesting and responsible tasks.
Don't be stingy with your praise.
Don't forget to tell them how much you love your child. Kiss the baby, hug, stroke the head. Skin-to-skin contact with parents instills a sense of self-confidence in the child. He feels needed, loved, protected.
If your little one's imaginary friend is a dog, finally buy him a real one.
Enroll your little dreamer and visionary in a drawing, modeling or acting class.

The appearance of imaginary friends is the next stage in the development of a child’s personality

You can distract a child from anything if you offer him a more interesting perspective in return. There is no need to be scared of your baby's imaginary friends. You can live with them for a certain period of time, and then help the little one let them go where they are supposed to stay. In the passing, as days, months, years, childhood passes...

An imaginary friend in a child, according to many psychologists, is a common phenomenon. Inventing a friend for yourself before a certain age is considered absolutely normal. Experts associate this with the development of imagination and creativity in a young child.

By about three years of age, a child begins to actively fantasize and think. It is at this time that imaginary friends appear. A child can invent absolutely any creature; an invisible friend can be an animal, just a person, a fairy-tale hero, a cartoon character, or something completely non-existent.

When parents first learn about the appearance of an imaginary friend, they begin to worry and think that something is wrong with their baby. No need to panic. The child develops imagination. It is better to become interested in your new friend, his name, appearance, where he lives, what he likes to eat, etc. That is, you need to show participation.

Often an imaginary friend is also useful for parents. By asking a child about an imaginary friend, about his fears, desires, dreams, difficulties, parents can find out what worries the child himself. Children are not always able to express and even understand their desires, and through an imaginary friend, parents are able to learn about the child’s problems.

“A child should feel support from his parents: from the father - strength and protection, from the mother - care and affection. But if you brush your child off all the time, he will be less likely to turn to his parents with trivial problems. In the future, this can lead to the fact that the child will have nothing to talk about with his parents, nothing to entrust to them, because from an early age he is accustomed to solving “his own problems” himself and answering questions that arise, knowing in advance that mom and dad don’t have time for such nonsense." (meduniver.com)

So, an imaginary friend is not a tragedy. But you need to know when to stop. If a child is friends and talks only with a fictional character, refuses to communicate with other people, if he is very worried about everything that happens to his fictional friend, if this makes him lethargic or too excited, irritable, whiny - the game should be stopped! For example, try to send a friend on a trip to his grandparents or on a long journey, in general, remove the character without a scandal. And this is the time to come up with a game for the child that he has not played before, an activity that can “switch” the baby.

In most cases, children forget about their fantasies already at the age of 7-8, when they begin to communicate a lot with their peers. The emergence of new acquaintances and new knowledge does not allow one to withdraw into oneself. The child appreciates and understands that communication with real friends is more dynamic and more fun than playing with himself.

According to child psychologists, if an imaginary friend does not disappear at this age, this is a clear sign of a lack of parental love in the child. The baby does not realize how much mom and dad need him, how valuable he is to them. It all depends on the parents, they must give the child the necessary attention, together with him go out of the fictional world into the real one, and fill the space remaining from the fictional world with their attention and communication. After all, the main thing is not how much, but how exactly to spend time with the baby. For example, play with your child for at least half an hour a day, and then discuss the game. It is very important to read to children at night. If the child is already a schoolchild, this is the help of parents in completing homework.

You shouldn’t be afraid to invent and fantasize with your child, you just need not to cross the line and be able to attract the child in time to the real world, which is no less amazing than the fictional one.

A child has an invisible friend - what to do?

To understand what kind of secret friend a child has, you can try to imagine that he really exists and that his appearance is a completely normal occurrence for your family.

Now ask me to introduce you to him. Maybe it's an elf or a fairy-tale gnome, a wizard? Or maybe he is not alone, but a whole cheerful company. Try not to doubt and take his invisible friends seriously. They exist, you just grew up and stopped believing in miracles. Relearn this with your child. Imagine and play. And it’s not scary that in the game you need to lay out cards for an unknown friend or make a move for him. But you will achieve the fact that your child will always tell you about him, and even if you don’t like him, you will know what is happening in the world your child has imagined, and you will be able to more consciously analyze what is happening. Remember that if a child makes friends with someone, then this person deserves your attention. Keep this in mind, even if playing with an invisible friend gives you little pleasure.

If you don't believe in the existence of invisible people, that's your business. It’s just important to never deny their existence in the presence of a child. There is no need to bring the situation to the point of absurdity. It’s better to try to devote a little more time to your child, because when the baby constantly feels your love and care, the likelihood of such unusual friends appearing is minimized.

Remember, a child’s communication with his parents should not be replaced by communication with elves and wizards. Of course, when you are busy with something or just want to relax, it is sometimes tempting to send your child to play with the invisible thing. But you are the most faithful and best friends for your child. Try at all costs to find time for personal communication with your child, when you will not be distracted by anything and you can devote 100% of your attention only to eating. Let it be at least half an hour a day, believe me, these will be the most precious minutes for the child, which he will remember throughout his life.